I WON!

Well, actually Caleb (and his friend Josh) are the real winners! I entered into a Harris Teeter sweepstakes for a chance for my child to win the opportunity to attend a Carolina Panther's Football Clinic in Charlotte. I got the call today that we won.
I had forgotten about it, I actually did it late one night when I was grocery shopping never expecting to win. But we did and he and one of his friends gets to go hang out with the Carolina Panthers' coaches and players for a morning in April. I think I'll keep shopping at Harris Teeter.

The Spinning Wheel of Life

Have you ever felt like a gerbil on a wheel spinning too fast? You can't figure out how to slow it down. You try deseperately to keep up only to see you feet flying quickly over your head and before you know it you don't know which end is up? Today that is how I feel. I am on day 11 of this "mess" whatever it is I am fighting, I have a voice back, but today began running a fever again and left school at 11 to come home and sleep until I had to pick the kids up this afternoon. It is now 2:15 (15 minutes before I have to leave to pick up my kids) and I have yet to go to sleep.
I have tried several times, only to find my mind racing over things I need to get done for school. I have supply orders that have to be turned in, field trips scheduled by the end of the week, assessment information to complete, progress reports to do, curriculum committee information to read, review, and prepare for an all day decision process for a 5 year curriculum plan, issues with children at school that I need to contact parents about, not to mention the normal lesson plans, newsletter, meetings and the fact that I have a student intern I really need to be spending more time with and providing more help.
I feel like this gerbil at least 3 times a year. Usually around the holidays, mid-year assessment time & end of year school. Being sick really does not help comfort my anxiety levels, but I am now taking medicine so hopefully that will knock whatever this mess is out. The amazing thing is that life gets so busy I really have a hard time remembering what is really important. I have MADE myself make list, try to slow down and most importantly I keep going back to scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengths me."

Brain Dump

• Taxes are done!


• So much to think about, dream about, plan, where do I start.


• Need more money to do all the things on our hearts to do.


• 2 More weeks til my intern takes over full time teaching...great intern, she'll do great.


• Can't wait to go to Memphis, don't know how and where money is coming from to go, but know it is a God thing, so He's got a plan.


• Started looking at ideas for family vacation, leaning toward old fashion train ride in Bryson city, white water rafting and along with some great hiking and the likes in the good old mountains of NC


• My kids are growing up way too fast...oldest will start youth group in August - YIKES!


• Had the talk with Sticky about all that girl stuff the other day...the whole puberty thing seems to freak her out (who am I kidding - I was the one freaked out!)


• Can't seem to shake this cold or virus or whatever it is that keeps stealing my voice, stopping up my head and keeping the tissue companies in business. I've been through 3 boxes of tissue in a week and I've lost track of how many rolls of toilet paper I have carried around with me. GO AWAY!


• Our first small group meeting of the year is this Saturday night. I actually am excited about it! You should come we are going to have a blast.


• I can't get the Dream On out of my head.


• Do you ever feel old or is it that people just start to view you as old?


• Need to work on flyer and brochure for prophetic conference in April.


• Need to make some phone calls & check on some people I haven't seen recently


• I'm so excited about this year!

OK, that is what I was thinking...I can move on now.

My Church Rocks!

Did you ever think you would hear Aerosmith being sung on a Sunday Morning in church? I certainly didn't, but today it happened and I'm telling when they wrote it they simply didn't know it wasn't to make them millions but to express God's heart for our body today. I couldn't have imagined a more fitting song. Are you curious? Just listen (if your not viewing this from a reader - if you are then you'll just have to click on it to hear for yourself). Personally, I favor Haley and Klee's version...they were awesome!
This had been an incredible week...a very long, difficult week, but incredible none the less. I am so excited about this year....I can hardly contain myself. I don't know how all the things that I am dreaming will happen but I'm "putting it out there" and it won't be for doing nothing if they don't all happen this year. Here are some of my dreams
1. Take my kids on a vacation as a family since we haven't done that since our baby was 1.
2. Take a trip to Memphis to visit Fellowship Memphis and glean from their work in racial reconciliation.
3. Attend the Christian International conference in Florida in October.
4. ....the rest is still in the works....I don't understand the whole dream but I know these 3 (at least 2 of them - #1 is purely selfish) things are things that will help us accomplish part of what God is calling us to.
By the way, did I say my church rocks! Literally!

I'm Addicted to Blog searches!

With much more success tonight I have searched the blog world, inspired by my exciting find last night, I have spent the last 3 hours reading some amazing, thought provoking comments on race, the church, abortion, and prejudice. I wish I could share them all, but I'm still processing everything I read.
I think the one underlying truth in it all is how much our life experiences effect our perception of these issues. I see things very different than some of the blogs I read tonight, but that doesn't make my perception right, it makes it my perception and until we are willing to reach outside of our race, our friends, and our comfort zone and listen to the life experiences of others we will never truly understand the "why" behind it all.
As a teacher, one of the big things you need to learn to be an effective teacher, is how to analysis the behavior and determine "why" that behavior is occurring. I had a child last year who would fall out in the floor screaming at the top of his lungs,fall limp in the floor and refuse to get up, or start wandering the room aimlessly. Mom had never seen this behavior. My first reaction was to assume he was being defiant and dig my heels in and say "not in my room" (in my head of course), but that didn't work! I started watching, taking notes, and quickly realized his outburst weren't an act of defiance but a means of escape, his way of checking out when things became to hard or too overwhelming. When I realized the "why" behind his actions, I was able to help him address the issue and for the most part eliminate the "behavior" that was a problem.
I think if we could take that approach with each other (not that we are to fix each other) but if we could learn to see the life experiences (the why) behind others thought processes...well, I just think that is where we have to start.

Check this out!

After what seemed like an exhaustive search about racial unity I found this. That lead me to this and after another hour or so on that website, I got to this. It was like I was reading the notes from my journal about what God had been putting on my heart to do. You've got to see it and I've got to start planning a trip. Who knew what you could find in the blog world!

Racial Unity and the Church

When I started this blog, I did so as a means of reconnecting with some very dear friends, encouraging each other in the Lord, and challenging each other to think. In the process, we had friends from long ago start popping up on the radar. I also found that many of the people I used to spend time with (before children, work, and life got so busy) had a blog and it was a great way to keep up with what was going on in their heads. I have posted on my blog for the most part just to keep in contact with those people. Sadly to say the 2 people that started me on this journey of blogging have disappeared and I greatly miss them, but recently I have been challenged by the friends that do blog to broaden my horizons. I've read how they connected with people that challenge them, shared their dreams and visions, and provoked them to new heights.

So today I started on my own quest to venture into the unknown land of blog searches for something that stirred passion in me. I wanted to see others perspectives, find people who were making a difference and changing their world. After two hours and every word search I could think of involving racism, racial reconciliation, racial unity, race in America, and anything else I could think of, I came up completely empty handed. That is certainly not to say there was nothing out there. Most of what I found was politically driven or very racist blogs, a few good stories but no where that was devoted to dealing with issue of racism in the church. I was a little (well, a lot surprised). I'm not saying there aren't places out there, there aren't people out there who are making a difference I just haven't found them yet. I will keep looking, but more importantly I will start blogging.

Why Mary?

Several years ago a friend gave me a prophetic word about being like Mary. Since then I have often thought about what made Mary so special to be the mother of the saviour of the universe. She had to be pretty tough to go through the ridicule and shame that society must have put her threw, but what I always come back to was her response to God's plan for her life. She said "Be it unto me according to your will." and she "pondered" those things in her heart which were told to her that night.

I think the my life mistakes along with my marriage (which was one of the greatest days of my life) have made me pretty tough in regards to dealing with ridicule. Most days I think I get the heart thing down. I might lose focus, but my heart's desire always comes down to His will, but it's that darn "pondering" piece I just can't seem to wrap my mind around.

I looked up pondering and here's what stood out "to weigh carefully in the mind; consider thoughtfully". It's that "in the mind" part that messes me up all the time. I tend to weigh things very carefully, meditate on them, consider deeply but I tend to do it all out loud. (Often referred to as venting. The problem is I "ponder" out loud and move on but I leave everyone in the wake of my pondering trying to come up for air (mostly it's my husband, but if that wonderful man's not around, then it happens to be whoever is closest to me when I have the need to vent).

Let me clarify, it's not always bad thing I have difficulty pondering, sometimes it's the exciting things like when we thought we were moving to Arizona. We told everyone...little did we know all God was doing was preparing our hearts for what He had hear and then we had to go back and explain to everyone why we didn't move to Arizona.

It looks like by now I would have figured out the benefits of pondering but somehow my human brain seems to get thicker and thicker. How is it that Mary at such a young age mastered the art of pondering? I'm good at processing just not so good at the pondering...I'm thinking about considering super glue, any suggestions?

Sometimes things just stink!

I once heard there are two things that will get you in trouble

1. To obey God
2. To disobey God

If I am honest with myself and the rest of the world ( all 10 people) who read my ramblings, I find myself in a precarious place. Right where God wants me to be, right where I see great dreams and vision, right where, if I'm honest,a part of me would just as soon tuck tail and run.

As I have found myself in this place trying to navigate what it is God is doing in me, I have found a great ability to see my imperfection, my faults, my lacks and well my inability to do anything right. That is in and of myself. (I threw that in there to let you know I get "know" the right answers I'm just being honest with what is going on in my head).

The place I am is where I believe God wants me, a place where He is working on my humanity and dealing with the big plank in my eye, but it stinks and if I'm not careful the place where God has me turns into a place of condemnation and feelings of inadequacy. There have been several times in the past 2 weeks (to which my husband can attest to) if it had been up to my flesh I would have opted for retreat. But I know that the truth is that He that dwells within me is greater than he that whispers lies about my failures and if this test is any indication of the place God is trying to take me than I can't wait to see what happens. I truly can't remember a time in my life where I have had such a great anticipation, accompanied by such great anxiety. I'm ready to move on past this test.

I guess it is true...obedience & disobedience alike get you in trouble. But I think I'll opt to fight for the winning team.

What's on my mind

I have an intern this semester and I realized today at 2 o'clock as I frantically worked away that my brain moves so fast and I get so busy it was 2:00 and my wonderful intern had so very politely just kept working waiting for me to tell her she could stop and eat lunch. I realized at that point I had a lot on my mind.

• I REALLY don't like ECERS. I don't like that I spent years learning how to be developmentally appropriate, work with at risk kids only to have to create an atmosphere where kids rule the room and I let me do "what they want" and that's it! I could go on about that, but I won't.
• I love my family. I love their hugs, their smiles, their thoughtfulness & tenderness.
• I'm tired of teaching.
• Determined to be content where God has me, but determined to continue in constant pursuit of destiny.
• It's a 3 day weekend!!!!!
• Wow - MLK Jr....what a dream...where would my family be if he hadn't dreamed a big dream.
• I REALLY don't like ECERS & they come next week...I hope they don't pick my room.
• I finished the book I was reading - Shadow Boxing...I actually finished a book already this year and it's still Jan.!
• I need to get the rest of the Christmas decorations sitting in the middle of the living room floor packed up and up in the attic.
• It's assessment time at school
• DREAMS - what are my dreams.
• Big dream for 2008...can't wait to see what God does.
• Need to go listen to Pastor Ron's message from last week b-4 Sunday
• Dance Revolution was too awesome - I want to get my hair cut like Michelle's but I'm too chicken. (Definitely not the bleach blonde aspect though)
• Wow it's already the middle of Jan.
• How can I be a better partnership teacher?
• I need to clean my house
• I need to learn to put things where they belong instead of just putting things down
• I hate ECERS
• DREAMS - can't wait to see what 2008 brings

All of that went through my brain in about 30 seconds...so what's on your mind?

What a weekend!

So I have finally recovered enough from the weekend to think straight. I helped chaperon the girls from GAFA to Dance Revolution! What an amazing weekend. I was responsible for the younger girls in the apprentice class so since there were only 2 of them I was by myself a lot and loved it. Don't get me wrong, when I was with the other chaperons it was great to have grown-up girl conversations since I rarely get to do that anymore, but I tend to get really distracted and want to talk when I was with the other adults and that's why I loved being by myself.



I tried to take a book to read and I did read a little, but I mostly watched and enjoyed the girls. It was an incredible experience. It was my first trip there and can't wait til next year. I was however exhausted by the time I got back. I have a student intern that started at school on Thursday, so when I got back on Sunday night I had to get lesson plans done and get ready for school. Getting up at 4:30 Monday morning about did me in! Oh well, at least it's a long weekend this coming weekend.



I'll share more later...but I just have to say that my baby girl dressed up like a robot on Friday night for the Futuristic party and she got called to go up on stage...it made staying up til 12:30 the night before painting that silly box worth it all! Here's a picture of both the girls before the party.

So what do you think?

What do you think of the new look? My friend Sarah over at Real Life did it for me. Isn't she awesome. Thank you so much Sarah. If anyone is needing some help with a new look, and the price is right, she might be able to help you out.

Family Traditions - The power of a morning hug

I get up at 4:30 and leave for work by 6:15. I get the children up around 6 and obviously Johnny gets them to school. I have always made it a point to say "I love you", hug and kiss my husband and children before I leave and most of the time I don't forget, but often it had turned into a ritual that I just did.

Right before Christmas, my youngest would come barreling down the steps, even if I had already done the ritual and was no just yelling up "bye", screaming all the way down "Wait mama, wait!" Jump in my arms and kiss and hug me again.

After Christmas, when it was time to go back to school, you would have thought I was leaving to go on a month long adventure overseas, all three of my children couldn't hug and kiss enough to say goodbye. It broke my heart to leave them, but blessed me to know they treasured that little tradition we had. Today my middle child hugged me so long I finally had to say "When I get to 10 you have to let me go we've been standing here for a while and I do have to go to work." Even after that I had to finagle my way out as she said "They don't call me Sticky for nothing." I laughed as I headed out the door. What a great way to start the morning especially since I woke up at 3:30a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep.

I dare say when my kids grow up, get married, and have children of their own, they will remember our morning tradition long after they have forgotten about the Wii they got for Christmas. We all have special holiday traditions, but it's also important to have traditions that last throughout the year. So, what kind of special family traditions do you have or do you remember as a child?

Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream?

"Welcome to Hollywood! What's your dream? Everybody comes here; this is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some dreams come true, some don't; but keep on dreamin' - this is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin'."

Does anyone recognize that quote? As I was sitting on the couch tonight thinking about church this morning and what I had been thinking about for weeks, I remembered Pretty Women! (I have a confession to make - this is one of my all time favorite movies). I haven't watched it or talked about it much since I had kids just because, well, it's hard to explain to my children why mommy likes a movie that is all about a hooker, but anyway, I digress...I brought that up to say that as I was sitting there thinking, God reminded me of something I hadn't thought about in years, a quote I hadn't heard in at least 12 years....but God never forgets now does He.

As I thought about that movie and that quote I thought about what I loved about it, what drew me to it over and over again....it was a dream, a fairy tale rescue of a very lost lonely desperate person who was swept off her feet by a man that had everything, but really wanted her and together they found themselves. He was her dream and she was his. Wow isn't that cool, God took a very secular movie and fit it right into my Christian life. I mean isn't that what our relationship is to be like with the Lord...He is our dream and we are His. He is our savior (rescuer) and we are His bride right?

So that brings me back to church. We talked about dreams. I left so inspired, and a little frustrated. I know things that inspire me, things that get my adrenaline going, things that I can dive into, but how does it all fit together, what does it all mean...that is what I can put my finger on. I've always struggled with those people who knew from childhood the exact profession they would go into and pursued that line of work and stayed in it until they retired. How that frustrates me....because I feel like I'm still trying to figure it all out. So what's my dream? I don't know just yet...only pieces, but I'm seeking.

What I do know is something the Lord spoke to me one day on my way to work as I lamented with Him over something I wanted to do, but never been able to accomplish...He said "What price have you been willing to pay to see that dream come to pass?" At that point I think I ended the conversation and decided my laments were useless. So what's your dream? And what price will you pay to see it come to pass?