Today has been an emotional roller coaster. I wish I could blame it on something as simple as pregnancy but I'm pretty sure it's a little of Holy Spirit conviction mixed in with my humanity. My morning started off with burning the ham, yelling at everyone that was in earshot and then heading to church once I regained my composure (after apologizing of course), then I spent the rest of service fighting back tears.
At church today we Pastor Bryan read letters about four mothers written by their husbands and children. As I listened to the words of these men and children my heart ached. The words that were being read were incredible words, but they were words that made me realize how out of perspective my life has been. I am well aware that I was a spoiled brat growing up, my friends in college even picked on me about how spoiled I was and it didn't bother me because I knew it was true.
I know God has brought me a long way and done amazing things in my life as I have matured in age, but today I was made greatly aware of my spoiled status as it pertains to my family. I listened to all the things these moms do and thought about the fact that I don't do many of those things, yet complain when I feel taken for granted for doing the things I do. I am quick to take my frustrations out on my family because "they don't see the stress I am feeling", I am slow to acknowledge their needs but quick to point out my own. I get overwhelmed and disconnected with my kids when life gets too busy and taking time to do simple things like paint my girls fingernails or work on a school projects are chores to me rather than joyous opportunities to celebrate a few minutes to spend with my kids. I realized today how un-unique my situation was - every mother is busy, every mother gets tired, every mother feels neglected and taken for granted sometimes, every mother goes without to meet the needs of their children, every mother struggles to have a moments peace in the middle of chaos but the difference between a great mother and just a mother is the attitude with which they do those things. I have to confess I realized today I have missed the great mark more than I have made it, but that's OK because I serve a God of second chances.
I know this sounds like another selfish rant about me, but I have to get it out. I have to acknowledge that I have failed in a lot of ways. I am not a terrible mom, but I'm not the mom God created me to me nor am I the mom I want to be. I have no expectations of a "Leave it to Beaver" family and household but I do know that God has put his finger on this area of my life for a reason. So today has been a day about self examination, repentance, and reflection. It has also been a day of new awareness and appreciation for the blessing of my family. They have put up with an incredible spoiled wife and mother for a long time and I was oblivious to the fact that it was me that had the issue not them. God help me be the mother and wife you created me to be.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mother's Day
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2 comments:
All of us as Mother's have felt this way and been guilty of the very things you are talking about here at times. I know that I do sometimes. But you ARE right. We DO serve a God of second chances. And I truly believe that He loves to work through our weakness and take what we are not, and make it what we are simply because we were willing to allow Him to "put His finger on it." And then do something about it.
Thank you for being honest enough to write down what so many other women are feeling.
I think the most important thing is that you recognize where you want to change. What a powerful step in the right direction. I love it/hate it when God seems to shine a halogen bulb on the areas that need a little work. And yet I anticipate what He can do to help me grow as a woman, mom, friend, wife, person.
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