Before Internet

Here's my thought for the day...Do you ever wonder what you did before the internet?

A Beautiful Bride/A Wounded Soldier

Sunday morning at church after preparing for worship, I went to early morning prayer. When I walked in the room there was a message posted on the whiteboard that asked the question (paraphrased) - Are you content to be Jesus' girlfriend, or do you want to be His bride? Instantly God gave me a picture of a bride and reminded me of how beautiful people are on their wedding day...there is something about a bride, they are always more beautiful than any other time you have seen them. Then I saw another picture - it was a picture of a mutilated bride, one that had inflicted wounds on herself out of self hate and a destructive mindset. As I pondered these pictures I began to understand what God was saying to me - He wants the beautiful bride, one that has prepared herself for Him, one that is completely focused on Him and fully in love with Him. The truth is, however, we look more like the mutilated bride. We have allowed the enemy to convince us to harm our body (just like he does with people who cut themselves, have an eating disorder, or commit suicide to name a few examples) only this wasn't our physical body, but the spiritual body - The Church - His bride. What I began to realize was the Lord was trying to expose the schemes of the enemy...his plan to steal, kill and destroy our lives (at least part of his plan) and it was by causing us to kill each other.

The Lord has been dealing with me for months about the power of my tongue. In it lies life and death, both for me and for whomever I chose to speak about. What comes out of my mouth comes out with power - good or bad. We, as the body of Christ, need to acknowledge and embrace that fact. We have the power to declare over a situation what the word says, not what our eyes see.

I have watched people leave our church wounded. I have listened to stories through our blogs of people who have been wounded, and I am not making light of that at all. The truth is we are in a war and people sometimes get wounded in war. Sometimes the wounds are inflicted by the enemy, but sometimes the wounds are inflicted by friendly fire.

Did you know that 41% of US causalities (both fatal and non-fatal) in Iraq have been caused by friendly fire? That is almost half. Do you think our soldiers intended to wound their fellow comrades, the very people that were helping them fight the enemy? Yet in an attempt to fight the enemy, they hurt the people they were fighting with. Now, take that thought and think about what would happen if 41% of the people wounded had been wounded by friendly fire and instead of acknowledging it was accidental, decided the person who wounded them must have intended to do so and the wounded soldier in return started fighting his fellow soldier. At that point the enemy can do whatever he wants because now the soldiers that were once fighting him have turned on each other and have forgotten their objective.

Now, think about the body of Christ...is it possible that many of the wounds we experience are caused by friendly fire and how we respond determines how far the enemy is able to advance? Is it possible that, going back to the illustration of the bride, that some scars are caused by accidents and others by self inflicted wounds?

My prayer is that we as the body will learn to allow our love for each other to cover a multitude of sin and accept the fact that sometimes wounds happen at the hand of a friend and that how we respond to those wounds will affect the appearance of the Bride. If we are on the same team, if we are working as The One body, if you don't see things the same way I see things could it be that you are the eye and I am the foot and your perspective is a little different way up there then mine is way down here? Does that mean that your perspective is right and mine is wrong? Can we learn in the midst of our pain to use our weapons (our words) to heal the body and fight in the enemy instead of causing more harm to the Bride of Christ?

Happy Memorial Day

To everyone who has served or is serving in our military, I offer you my thanks today. Thank you for putting your life on the line to protect my freedom. May God bless you and protect you.

Scars?

I was awaken very early (did I say VERY - like 2:30a.m.)this morning. Thinking it was simply a result of this nasty cough I have had for weeks, I got up, got something to drink and surfed the web briefly. When I layed back down, I couldn't go to sleep. After reasoning with God (why I do that I have no idea, I never win) I figured out I was awaken for a different reason, so I prayed and prayed and pondered and prayed. I never got back to sleep, but I did pray. I was praying about wounded soldiers (spiritual soldiers that is) and thinking about how there are wounds that occur sometimes by accident, sometimes intentional, but either way they are wounds.
Anyway, on my way to school (I was still praying) I started pondering a thought - scars. I was thinking God that he had healed my wounds and though there were still scars...and I stopped. Are there still scars? What are scars? Is that Biblical? I have heard it all my life, said it all my life, but why? Then I started thinking...maybe scars remain if the wound was created by a direct result of my sin and maybe not if it was a wound inflicted on you by someone else...but wait, didn't Christ pay for it all at Calvary? So I pondered some more...Is Christ not the great physican? Could he not mend a wound without leaving a mark...is there anywhere in the Bible that says there will be scars? I couldn't find it.
So then I continued to ponder...what is a scar? It's a mark that doesn't hurt anymore but is a physical reminder of what happened. Does God want us to remember what happened if He himself said he forgives our sin as far as the east is from the west and remembers them no more?
So I thought back to the most difficult painful experiences of my past...my trouble in high school and the issues with my family not supporting my marriage. Yes I know they both happened, but when I think about those times, I feel like I am talking about another person another life and feel totally and completely removed from the entire situation. I know those things helped make me who I am, but is it possible when God truly and completely heals us, that He heals us so perfectly that there are no scars?

Unending business

I have longed to have some great insight to share as I have read and commented on some wonderful, thought provoking blogs today, but alas, no great revelation...only relief. Today I finished another major hurdle, checked off another line on my to do list, and yet there is still more. As I rushed home from my second job, to get home in time to pick Johnny up, get something to eat and head to our son's band concert that he remembered to tell us about at 7:00a.m. this morning...I thought "Does it ever slow down or will it continue to be an illusion of just one more thing forever?" I said at Christmas "When we get through Christmas and now I'm saying when school gets out"...I just don't know how to make it show down. I have looked and looked at our lives and thought "What can we give up?" but quite honestly I know of nothing...I prayed this morning, Lord help me embrace all that you have called me to and release everything you have not called me to and Lord if you have called me to all of this...feel free to add an 8th day in there somewhere....(laughing)
Seriously though, life has become so busy it is hard to find time to focus on the important matters, things that make a difference in eternity. I do look forward to summer, one of the great joys of teaching....summer break. I long for the days when I can keep my house clean, cook supper (who would have ever believed that) and spend time with my children with no where to go, where my greatest revelation about God is not tied to the lice outbreak in my classroom (for clarity read Cubbie's blog from yesterday)! Until then, I will enjoy your revelations, your thoughts and ponder on those between parent conferences, progress reports, baseball games and end of year parties!

The Knots!

Introducing the newest member of the blogging community, my daughter, The Knots. Nicknamed for all the knots she got on her head as a child and the only Fuller child to have to be "super glued" back together not just once but twice. We named her Courtney Chase after God woke me up one night and explained that she would be a worshipper...She would know how to come into the kings court and as a hunter know when to wait and when to chase what she was after. She is all of that and more. You'll see....

The Power of a Positive Attitude - SEASONS

Ok, so I just finished a very busy and undoubtedly exhausting week. It was tech week for my daughter's dance recital - SEASONS. They had practice everyday this week, on top of the fact that it is getting close to the end of school so I had a mound of paperwork piling up to do at school and in the process trying to fight off getting sick with a stupid cough that will not give up. I made a decision though at the beginning of the week that I was not going to get a bad attitude. I was going to make this work and enjoy the time with my children. No doubt this was quit a challenge, leaving work early everyday, picking children up from school only to try to put on unitards, tights, costumes and a pound of makeup on them in the backseat of a minivan. I felt like a contortionist. My back felt like a 90 year old woman when I was done...but we did it. To the best of my knowledge and memory, I did not raise my voice at my children once all week. I stayed very calm and peaceful. I only got a bad attitude once all week and that was after only having 3 hours of sleep and working a 2nd job and being ready to go home only to realize they had another hour of practice left. I didn't say anything, just walked off exhausted, regrouped and got perspective. Then I saw it all on Friday and Saturday night - a beautiful performance about the seasons of life God loves us through, how He uses each season to mold us and make us into what He created us to be.
I was blown away with my children's abilities. Sure, I was a proud mom, but hadn't expected them to do as well as they did because we just hadn't had time to practice and I hadn't had time to help them like I had in the past. The show was amazing, my girls were amazing, they all were amazing, and as I thought about it all, I was amazed at the seasons of life God had taken us through, and the paths we had traveled to end up right where we are in a church that honors the arts so much. I am amazed. A passion inside of me always stirs during dance recitals. I love dance. I love productions. I love the drama and excitement, the craziness and the intensity of making it all look beautiful and effortless. Something inside of me comes alive, probably the same way my husband feels on the sideline of a football game.
Anyway, in the midst of all of this wonder, excitement and exhaustion, I realized something. This has been the busiest, craziest, hardest week of the year. I am absolutely exhausted, I have no voice, my house it a wreck, but I had fun! I enjoyed every minute of time with my children. I prepared my heart and made a conscious decision to have a good attitude and you know what, I had a great week in spite of my circumstances. I was sick, busy and rushed, but I never felt weighed down by any of those things because I had set my mind to stay positive. It's a lot more fun to live life with a cup half full than a cup half empty.
Check out my girl, Courntey. She was "Singing in the Rain" doing a tap dance during the spring season of life when God waters His seeds. She also did a jazz and ballet dance. She's got some "soul" and some ants in her pants! She can't be still.

My beautiful ballerina - Kennedy. A girl after my own heart who loves tap but has a God-given talent for ballet. She did an incredible job too. She danced in a ballet, tap and jazz number and then got to spin across the stage during the finale....YES, I was a proud mama!

Back to my thoughts on leaders...Things aren't always what they seem.

OK, so I explained the Lord asked me, "Why were you willing to travel 2600 miles to serve a man and His ministry there, but won't serve this man and his ministry." My first response was "Because you told me to go!" Then I realized He told me to go so that I could experience what He was doing there, so when He told me "to stay" here, I'd understand.
Like I said before, I didn't like what was going on at the church. It certainly didn't seem to me to be anything like what they had talked about for the last 18 or so years. It seemed to me we had gotten right on the brink of something great happening and then said "Oh let's go the other way." That is how I felt and I felt this way in the midst of having some of the most personally in depth times with the Lord so I figured I must be right and they were wrong, but it wasn't my ministry, so maybe God was calling me somewhere else. What I realized after that conversation was that God was calling me to stay right there, to pray when I didn't understand, and once I started doing that, He changed my entire perspective. I could go into all the details about what He showed me in the midst of all of that, but the greatest lesson I learned is something we hear all the time....It's easy to be an arm chair quarterback, a backseat driver, or see someone elses' sin, but the truth is criticising gets us know where.
The Bible says that there is life and death in the power of the tongue and when we criticise, we allow the enemy to gain power through our words. What the Lord began to show me was that rather than trying to figure out what our leaders were doing, we should pray for them and trust Him to handle the rest. God is big enough to find me when I was in my deepest, darkest place and completely unwilling to hear Him, so if He can do that for me, can He not reach people who are willing to listen to Him or do I think I know better than God? In terms of our pastors, we always knew their hearts, so it was easy when God said "stay" to trust that God could reach them if they were heading down the wrong road. But the most amazing thing was the freedom it gave me. You see, I'm not responsible for their decisions, I'm responsible for mine and when I realized I don't have to worry about how to run the church because God hasn't put me in that position (He has put the leadership there and they will be responsible to the Lord for their actions - good or bad). What I am responsible for is whether or not I pray for them and I am obedient to serve them as the Lord has instructed me to do.
In terms of our nations leaders...this refers to elected officials as well as those in American society that hold positions of leadership by the very nature of their jobs. It is not our jobs to judge, but our jobs to pray. I voted for Bush. I believe he has a heart after the Lord and that God put him in this position for such a time as this, but do not agree with every decision he makes (you know he is still human), but if I will pray, I can rest in knowing that my words have been in agreement with God's words and that is the only real way to see things changed. (Not saying you shouldn't do your duty as an American citizen and vote)
What I realized with our church is that things are not always what they seem...we were going exactly where we needed to, but it certainly didn't seem that way....Maybe we can trust that if we as Christians will pray for our nation and our elected officials and our many "public icons", God can take care of the rest. Maybe we can set aside our political agendas long enough (especially in the coming election) to ask God to speak to us how to pray, who to vote for, and how to get in agreement with Him, because the truth is many times things are not as they seem and if we speak, vote and act on our fleshly ideas, we should expect the consequences of our flesh. The enemy (wolf in sheep's clothing, or angel of light as the Bible refers to him) can trick and conquer our flesh, but not the spirit of God that lives inside us. So my challenge to myself has been "What does the Lord have to say about that person?" So when I see political leaders or news media, or public icons getting up bashing Christians, supporting abortion and the separation of church and state, I will chose to remind myself of Paul (the man whom anyone would have thought was hopelessly lost in sin - a Christian killer) and ask God to show me His perspective, "What do you (God)say about this person? Who did you create them to be?" and that will be my confession over them. Things aren't always what they seem!

The Struggles of a Mom

I just need to vent, to be real and well...last night we had another issue with our son. At first I was mad, then I was frustrated, then I was...the truth was I didn't have a clue what I was feeling. I said maybe 10 words at the ballgame last night - my heart was hurting, but I didn't know what I was feeling. I tried calling a friend to get some perspective, she gave me so perspective, but I felt no relief from the pain. I went to work today, still feeling like I had no desire to talk to anyone, I just hurt. What I realized this afternoon is that I don't know how to do this and that is what I realized last night. For 11 years we have coasted with this parenting thing. We have enjoyed the compliments of people telling us what well behaved, well mannered, polite and respective children we have, but honestly have coasted. Not to say that every point has been easy and we have done nothing, but what we have done at least to me was easy.
I know how to teach my children to respect authority. I know how to teach them to behave and be respectful. I knew how to get them on a schedule and have them sleeping through the night by 5 weeks old. I knew how to teach them ABCs and counting and reading. All of that stuff was easy. All of that stuff was stuff I learned from my parents. Some people I grew up with wouldn't have a clue how to do any of those things because their parents were their best friends and they had no limits and respect.
I have the exact opposite problem. I never talked to my parents, I lied often and did lots of other things that I care not to relive right now because we had no communication and I didn't feel like I could tell them anything. I feel like I don't have a clue how to do this right. I know how to deal with crisis' - I have had plenty of experience with that in my life and learned a lot about how not to handle them, but I don't want to wait til the crisis happens to spend time with my children.
I know how I would love for my life to look. I'd stay home, clean the house, have my quiet time, have my "Me" time, pick the kids up from school, give them a snack as we sat around the table discussing their day, go play outside or watch some tv with them for a while, do homework and get supper going before Johnny got home, have supper on the table, eat as a family, clean up as a family, have a devotion and worship time together, send the kids off for baths, spend time with my husband, go to bed and start all over, but that is about as far from reality as anything could be. First of all, staying home just isn't an option right now, and quit frankly after I have had 18 children pulling on me all day long the last thing I want to do when I get home is be a mom and a wife - I just want some "Me" time and that is incredibly selfish and sounds terrible I know, but it is true. But the reality is most days I don't even get that for running in the house, rushing everyone around, and then running out to the next activity.
Anyway, I have rambled enough, I just needed to be real. Being a mom is hard and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I sure wish I could figure out how to do a better job of it!

Is it really what is seems?

Something that has really been on my heart is praying for the leaders and the news media of our nation. As I was praying today, God reminded me of something that happened in our lives over the past 3 years, so if you will indulge me, I will explain.

In December 2004 God asked us "Are you willing to leave it all?" Through much fasting and prayer, and lots of other stuff that is too lengthy to detail, we believed God was moving us to Phoenix, AZ to serve a man and his ministry, but we didn't know who the man was or how we would get there. After talking to our pastor, we took a trip out to Phoenix and before we got there God showed us which church. (That is an amazing story in and of itself - they weren't even listed in the yellow pages in Phoenix and had never paid to be advertised anywhere) When we went to the church service, we HATED it. It seemed so surface and seeker friendly and lacked depth and meat. We sat in the car, in the hotel and rode around crying uncontrollable after service..all we could say is "God this isn't what we want, but if it is your will, then we will come." We believed it was and pursued moving there, but nothing seem to fall into place. Finally we just said," OK God, we have tried to be obedient, so if you want us to go, you are going to have to open the door." Well, it never did!

However, shortly after that, our church began to change. It seemed like everything we had loved about our church had changed, people who were mentors to us were leaving in a mass exodus that seemed to never end. I'll be honest...I was done, if it hadn't been for my husband we would have left (keep in mind we moved back down here to be a part of this church). Through all of our struggles we remained faithful to declare when others weren't so positive that we knew our pastors hearts and though we did not understand the changes and weren't sure they were for us, we were not going to bad mouth them.

Then one day on the way home from church, I was complaining to my husband about how miserable I was in church and how much I hated it. I went on to say "This church has become everything we hated about the church in Phoenix!" and I am telling you God couldn't have spoken any clearer if He had been sitting next to me in the car. God said "So why is it you were willing to move 2600 miles from home to support a man and his ministry in Phoenix that was just like this, but you won't support this man and his ministry here!" I shut-up in a hurry and if I could have fallen on my face in the car, I would have. I remember Johnny asking me if I was done because I kind of stopped mid-sentence. All I could say was "Yes, I'm done."

You see, our trip to Phoenix, the months of agony and tears weren't about moving to Phoenix at all...it was about God preparing us for what He was going to do here. After I finished repenting I began to ask God to show me how to support this man and his ministry here. What God began to show me and the revelations that came out of this have altered my thinking about everything.

I know you are wondering how all of this relates to praying for our leaders and the news media...and well, I'll explain what God showed me later...I first needed you to understand the history.

The Fruit of Unity

Wow, what a difference. I have been absolutely amazed at how different my children's attitudes have been today. I wanted to share their compliments.

Caleb said...
Courtney was much nicer today by letting me pick the biggest piece of cake.
She was less argumentative because when I said I was sitting there, she said OK.
She was supportive of me by being happy when I told her I had a ballgame.

Kennedy let me sit in the love seat (kindness).
She listened to me when I told her to give me my bat back.
She sings very well.

Kennedy said
Courtney is very playful and kind.
Courtney is very loving.
Courtney is there when you are sick or hurt.

Caleb is a very bold and strong guy.
Caleb is very funny to have around when you are gloomy.
Caleb is very good at football.

Courtney said
Caleb is nice because he took the dog out for me.
Caleb is good at basketball.
Caleb is talented.

Kennedy is good at dance.
Kennedy is good at soccer.
Kennedy - the thing she can do best is being kind to people and having a loving heart.

I just can't get over how different today has been. I haven't broken up a single argument all day! It's amazing what God can do when we stop long enough to listen to His ideas instead of asking for His advice when we have run out of our ideas. Thank God for His grace and mercy!

A Parent's Reflection

If you have been reading my posts, many of you may remember my Tough Love post (they still don't have all their stuff back). Having said that the past few months have been incredible difficult with my children. The oldest and the youngest especially. They have fought over the least little thing and looked for ways to get each other in trouble. We had tried everything that we knew to do and nothing was working. So today during church Pastor Bryan shared how they were having issues with one of their children and instead of punishing him, Bryan talked to him and then left him in his room with the instructions to get before the Lord and ask God what he needed to make right. After a while Bryan went back up to talk to him and found that God had truly revealed himself to his son and had broken through this wall that had been created. At that point the conversation was finished because the correction had already taken place in his heart.

So today when my oldest and youngest went at it over nothing, Johnny and I decided to take this route out of absolute frustration. We were having "The Deep" which is a once a month Sunday night service that has no agenda except to find the deep place of the Lord. We told our kids we expected them to enter into worship and ask God to show them what they needed to correct in themselves and we would discuss it after we got home.

During the worship service I looked over at my children to see the middle child participating, the youngest curled up in a ball still pouting and my oldest with his arms crossed slumped in the seat and I thought "they just don't get it!" I honestly was ready to go down and rip them a new one, but because we were on stage ministering I decided it could wait. Thank God I used a little bit of common sense because it was during the very time I would have been lighting a fire under their behind, trying to herd them into God's presence, that God decided to speak to me.

Someone once told me "You don't herd sheep, you lead them." I couldn't have forced my children into God's presence if I tried, but I can lead them by example. While I stood on the stage trying to block out the distraction of the fact that my children still weren't getting it, God began to deal with what was inside of me. I have truly begun to understand the power of our words, yet I had allowed my confessions over my children to be dictated by what I saw rather than the word the Lord had given us about these children. Out of frustration, I had allowed myself to become incredible critical, focusing on their faults, rather than praising their good deeds.

When we got home Johnny shared what the Lord had showed him which went right along with what the Lord had showed me. We repented to our children for our harsh words toward them, for allowing our circumstances to determine our confession about them, and for giving the enemy a foothold. We prayed over them, breaking every curse that we or other people had spoken over them and declaring over the the promises of the Lord.

God gave me very specific strategy to defeat the enemy in this area. The 2 children that have been fighting are going to come up with one thing (before they ever get out of bed each day) to do for their sibling that day. Then at the end of the day each child (and Johnny and I) will write 3 compliments about the other siblings. I can't wait to see what happens, I know what God promised us about our kids and I am ready to see the fruit of that unity again.

Parenting is not easy, the attitudes, the fights, the tears, the hormones...but if I'm honest, I think the hardest thing about parenting is realizing the faults you see in your children are simply a reflection of you and what is in your heart.

Sticky Times

Wow...this blog thing is really getting out of hand at our house. We are going to have to get some more computers...everyone wants to blog! Kennedy, the middle child, also known as Sticky to everyone at school, has decided to blog. She is my thinker. She is very thoughtful and logical....don't give her an answer that you can't back up, because she will will ask for the evidence to back your point. She loves people and has a heart to see the good in everyone. Check her out.